Album Review: Kylie Minogue "X"

I haven't done a blog post in a long time, but you know how things go. First there was Spring Break, and then there was the onset of Spring Quarter, which brought a crush of work. The bottom line is that I just haven't had the time to write any new material. I have plenty of ideas for posts, I just need the time to write them. Hopefully, I'll get that time and be able to churn out something at least once a week.

On to the business at hand. I was going to review Kate Nash's "Made of Bricks" but I have much more fun listening to Kylie, so I'm not going to spend my precious time reviewing Nash's album if I still have to review Kylie's.

Kylie, for the completely unaware (and if you are unaware, welcome out from under your rock), is an international pop superstar. Long before Britney Spears and Paula Abdul were covering up their complete lack of musical talent by passably warbling of elctro-pop tracks and long before Madonna tried to extend her career by turning to dance pop, Kylie originated the trend of women with little real musical talent selling shiploads of records to the general public thanks to incredible marketing.

Minogue originally achieved success on the Australian TV soap opera Neighbours. After a concert were she performed an impromptu version of Little Eva's "Loco-Motion," it was suggested that she record the song and release it as a single. So it was that Kylie's "Locomotion" became a worldwide hit. She soon allied with the songwriting team of Stock, Aitken, and Waterman and released "Kylie" which was led out by the debut single "I Should Be So Lucky". "I Should Be So Lucky" was a smash hit and Kylie was established as a bona fide pop star. After four albums, she left Stock, Aitken, and Waterman to join the Deconstruction label where she took on a more serious "indie" persona on "Kylie Minogue" and "Impossible Princess". The albums were met with mixed reviews and decreased sales, so Kylie joined Parlophone and went back to her bread and butter: dance pop. It worked. "Light Years" produced the hits "Spinning Around" and "Kids," a duet with fellow pop superstar Robbie Williams. That was followed by "Fever," which spawned the international hits "Can't Get You Out Of My Head," which received heavy US airplay, and "Love at First Sight". That was followed by the popular, but somewhat less successful release of "Body Language."

In 2005, Kylie was diagnosed with breast cancer, forcing her highly anticipated "Showgirl Homecoming" tour to be postponed and altered. "X" marks Kylie's first album after her battle with breast cancer and her highly publicized breakup with French actor and longtime boyfriend, Oliver Martinez.

What then are we to expect? A dramatic perspective shift or a classic Kylie return to form?

What we get is a essentially a paint-by-numbers Kylie album in the best way possible. As per her usual, Kylie is heavily leaning on her sex appeal, which at age 39 still remains possibly her best asset, in order to cover up her thin, mediocre voice. The album is full of an array of electro and disco sounds. Pitchfork will tell you that she doesn't settle on a style. They've obviously been listening to too much electropop. To anyone who doesn't spend all day listening to and comparing the relative merits of Daft Punk, Goldfrapp, and the Scissor Sisters, "X" is a collection of fairly similar numbers. All are relentlessly happy in lyrical content. Most are upbeat in terms of tempo and let Kylie simply vamp over all sorts of electronic bells and whistles. As she approaches 40 (cougar alert!), Kylie seems to have realized what works best and has settled into a groove of just doing upbeat pop, the critics be damned. What follows is a track by track review:

Note: Since all Kylie songs are more or less manufactured pop of a certain quality, I'm splitting hairs to come up with rankings. The rankings aren't empirical, but based on the standards that Kylie has set with her music. 10 denotes a classic Kylie song, i.e. "Better the Devil You Know" or "I Should Be So Lucky". 1 denotes a disappointing effort, ala "Chocolate".

1. "2 Hearts" -- The lead single everywhere except for the US, 2 Hearts has a nice, funky drum beat that really carries it into the chorus. But the chorus, replete with background "Woo!" sounds isn't anything special. Thus, the song never gets out of second gear. It's pleasant, but not brilliant.
Rating: 6

2. "Like A Drug" -- This song carries more of a hip hop attitude. Here the problem is reversed from "2 Hearts". The verses are very boring, but the chorus has a interesting, danceable rhythm. Kylie picks up the intensity a bit in the second verse, but the song is really all chorus and just doesn't stand out.
Rating: 4

3. "In My Arms" -- This starts promisingly, with a spoken word intro building into a strong emphatic start over Calvin Harris's distinct style of production. But the production quickly gets monotonous. It's just the same thing over and over throughout the whole song. The tone of the instruments changes a bit to make things downbeat and sensuous in the well-constructed chorus, but the verses don't help the song stick out and while passable it's destined to be forgettable.
Rating: 5

4. "Speakerphone" -- "Speakerphone" stars with a bit of harp then goes to something that sounds like a sitar before jumping into the body of the song, which features a HEAVY does of electronic sounds and what sounds like voice distortion. This song just moves and doesn't stop. It's definitely designed to fill floors. The lyrics are patently absurd. "Drop your socks and grab your mini boom box"? Really? But Kylie songs aren't meant to be listened to and that goes double for this one. You will dance to it. You will get it stuck in your head.
Rating: 6

5. "Sensitized" -- My musical vocabulary is not strong enough to properly describe how this song sounds, but it definitely has a unique feel. Most of all this song is just plain sexy. It's not as overtly sexual as say, "Nu-di-ty," but it's far sexier with Kylie hissing over lyrics like "Every touch/Whatever you do/Baby, you trip the switch/I turn on for you. Meanwhile the beat is a toe-tapper, so this one works on all levels. Good stuff here.
Rating: 8.5

6. "Heartbeat Rock" -- This is the other truly sexy song on the album. The lyrics tend to paint visual pictures of girls in "tight skirts" and "figure-hugging blue jeans" and the boys that look admiringly at that. The chorus is highly repetitive, but the sexy beat covers up some of the flaws here and ties it all together.
Rating: 6

7. "The One' -- This track just doesn't work for me. The beat has the sort of futuristic sound I tend to like, but the verses are snooze inducing and lyrically empty and the choruses aren't good enough to pull it together. This is usually a skip on the iPod for me.
Rating: 2

8. "No More Rain" -- Probably the song most resonant of Kylie's personal struggles, "No More Rain" has the most meaningful lyrics on the album. As Kylie speaks of passing up the bad things in live and taking "second- hand chances," this is a really a celebration of the beauty of the good things in life. The melody plays playfully along to make this a total feel good song.
Rating: 7

9. "All I See" -- The version of this song that features Mims, is the lead US single. The song is a bit of a fusion of pop and R&B. The llyrics are pretty standard lovey-dovey fare such as "My baby/Doesn't matter what's going or who's around us/All I see is you". The song is fine but it seems to be blatantly produced for a US audience, so I'm downgrading it because it doesn't feel like a proper Kylie song.
Rating: 5

10. "Stars" -- "Stars" features some futuristic music in the beginning as it slowly pulses to an emphatic chorus where Kylie sings "You'll never know what you'll find/Because stars don't shine in singular places". It's all about taking your opportunities because you never know what could happen. It's a triumphantly happy song that is just infectious. Great tune.
Rating: 7.5

11. "Wow" -- If any song shows the pure exuberance and sheer fun of Europop better than "Wow", I have not heard. The song is just a non-stop rump. The beat is funky and insistent and the chorus has a manic pace. It all builds up to the titular exclamation of the chorus and getting there is so much fun.
Rating:8.5

12. "Nu-di-ty" -- Here is a song where the intent, as the title indicates, is definitely to create a sexy feel, and it really fails, perhaps because it's so overt. Sometimes mystery is sexier and there is no mystery in these lyrics. Also, the production leaves quite a bit to be desired.
Rating: 2

13. "Cosmic" -- I LOVE this song, and it's the best on the album for me. It's a nice change from the general electro-disco tone of the album. The tone is dramatically slower and the arrangement is almost orchestral with the softer verses building into big, bold sounds in the choruses. It's a tremendous sing-along and assuredly the best song ever to feature the phrase "satiate my crave".
Rating: 9.5

14. "Magnetic Electric" -- Incidentally, "Magnetic Electric" was once the working name for this album before "X," for Kylie's tenth album, was decided on. There's not much to say about this one. The lyrics are typical Kylie sexy purring but they aren't particularly captivating. The production is typical thumping electro, but isn't particularly unique or fun. This song is good and should appeal to Kylie fans but it's utterly average.
Rating: 5

15. "All I See" ft. Mims -- See above. This isn't significantly different from the version without Mims. The only real difference is that Mims contributes a rap verse here. Same song. Same rating.
Rating: 5

Average Song Rating: 5.8

Album Rating (not an average): 7.9